Friday, April 25, 2014

PMO Staffer's (imagined) responses to May.

On Wednesday, staffers in the Prime Minister’s Office confirmed that they are highly encouraged by Green Party Leader Elizabeth May’s April 13th remarks on their job performance. “It’s just so nice to have someone recognize you for the work you put in.” Nick, a communications assistant with PMO said. “I mean, when May referred to us all as “Ruthless cutthroat psychopaths” I knew that at least someone was watching.”

Justin, a media designer in PMO echoed his sentiments. “With this job we’re on call 24/7, always ready to spring into action at the slightest misstep of our opponents. It’s generally thankless work, being by your Blackberry constantly, ready to take advantage of the situation in case the leader of the opposition kills a puppy or something; so it’s really nice to see that May recognize our hard work with comments like: “They’re really just all about winning and they have a take-no-prisoners attitude.” I mean, here’s someone who just gets us, you know?”

One of the PMO’s deputy directors, who asked not to be named, said he felt his organization’s morale had improved significantly since the remarks came out, saying that “Really, we all know that we’re a crack team doing good work here, but when even your staunchest opponents like Elizabeth May acknowledge what an excellent job you’re doing at “Completely offending the principles of parliamentary democracy.” well, sometimes appreciation means more coming from your opponents than your superiors, and my team has definitely doubled down on their efforts to stop just shy of slandering our adversaries.”

At press time, the “Unelected, hyper-partisan political operatives” that May had been speaking about were undecided about whether to send her a gift basket including wine produced from the tears of their enemies or an edible arrangement cooked from the corpses of endangered animals.

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